There's a new baby in the house and, all too often, passion goes out the window. Aside from the lack of sleep and a new emotional bond with the baby, there are actually physical reasons why many women don't feel like sex after childbirth.
The hormone associated with breastfeeding, prolactin, can seriously reduce libido in women post-partum. There's also a lot of progesterone floating around the body. This hormone is necessary to sustain pregnancy and usually exists in higher concentrations in a woman who is breastfeeding. Progesterone is the hormone responsible for PMS. On top of that the levels of testosterone and oestrogen may be lower with the result being a reduced libido.
There are also the physical changes associated with childbirth and breastfeeding that may make sex uncomfortable or difficult.
Lost libido is a common problem, so don't feel that you're alone or a freak because all those sexy urges have disappeared under a pile of dirty nappies.
A lack of libido can put strain on a relationship, especially as a lot of men see sex as a way to express intimacy and love. Most women worry about the change in their sex life post-baby and are keen to find ways to improve the situation.
* Don't put too much pressure on yourself. If you really don't feel like sex, don't do it, it's as simple as that. Assert yourself to your partner, but let him know that the situation is temporary. Your libido will return eventually.
* If you are keen to make inroads back into the bedroom, schedule it so that you will have as few distractions as possible. Ensure that the baby is asleep and any other worries you may have are out of the way. That may sound like a big ask, but it will be worth it.
* Invest in a vibrator. A bit of gentle stimulation can help you get turned on from a standing start and they're also great for speeding up orgasms.
* Indulge in a bit of erotica. Visual stimulation is another way to get the juices flowing again. Try some of the sites or movies recommended on the site.
* Take advice from the experts. There are numerous books on how to spice up your sex life post-baby. There's a list of some of them on this site.
* Don't stress about how you look. Pregnancy has changed your body and you may worry about being less attractive to your partner. Relax. You're still hot! Sure, eat well and exercise, but don't sweat about the stretch marks. Odds on, he won't care. Of course, if you want to get in the mood by buying a bit of lingerie, go for it.
* Redefine how you think of "sex." It doesn't have to mean intercourse. It could mean a mutual masturbation session, oral sex or even just french kissing. If he's in the mood and you're not, give him a cuddle while he masturbates. The important thing is to share some kind of intimacy alone together.
* Make sure you have lubricant handy as your own ability to become lubricated may still be recovering from the delivery.
Of course, a huge factor in spicing things up sexually is your partner. The book Porn For New Moms may be humorous but it does contain a sensible message - a man who pitches in, does the housework and helps look after baby is a sexy man, one who is far more likely to "get lucky." Don't be afraid to let your guy know this.
Conception, intimacy and the newborn baby - Australian Breastfeeding Association
10 Tips for Postpartum Sex - About.com
How to increase postpartum sex drive - eHow
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